9 Reasons Why Being A Sneakerhead Sucks

 In Classics

Enough sneaker culture celebrations, here comes the truth. We’re completely NUTS! Face it: Rents are sky-high and we’re giving away half of our living space for the sake of shoe storage. But that’s not the only reason it sucks to be a sneakerhead – here’s our complete list of 9! A little side note: Before jumping out of the window, please know that we’re in this together.

1. You’re always broke.

Face it, you own the greatest sneaker collection in western civilization and judging from your Acronym jacket and Stone Island sweater you must be a filthy rich mfckr. But there’s one little thing that separates you from the real upper class (with cars and houses) – the money is ALL GONE.

2. Girls love you – well, in theory.
No doubt, girls love guys who are “into sneakers”. That is, because they have no idea what “into” really means. But you will teach them eventually and then they’re GONE as well. Romantic beach holiday? Nope, as you’re rather freezing your gently pin-rolled selvedge denim off in front of stores with your equally addicted friends. Now add the fact that you have no money left for entertaining a lady with style – and about that extra room in the apartment …

3. You are in bad shape.
Come on, let’s put things in perspective: You’re all into running (the shoes) and basketball (the shoes) and you know all the cushioning systems by heart but you never actually do anything other than checking how well they go with the rest of your outfit. You look like shit while the rest of society’s working out at the gym.

4. You don’t do other activities.
Theoretically (!) you’re a pretty cool guy. You were into graffiti and skateboarding when you were young, you like cool bikes (to look at) but you wouldn’t ever do these activities again because: They mess up your footwear game BIG TIME. And that’s the last thing you want.

5. You have no space.
It’s great that you’re dedicating an entire room to your collection and all the rest of the apartment to sneaker artwork. You know what’s left? Nothing. If you weren’t born rich, your apartment will pretty much suck because you have no living space not covered in leather, suede and mesh. Do you think girls like this? Check point 2 for this topic.

6. You’re all about money.
This is the inevitable result of your addiction: Trading is part of the game and buying and selling is your daily bizz because you’re still not rich. It messes up your character because all that trading goes into your head.

7. You’re online all the time.
Afraid to miss the next big sale? Need to answer a few KLEKT messages? Oh, and use Paypal? Not checked Instagram for three minutes? We get it, our society is super dependent on phones – but you’re the worst addict ever.

8. Your state of mind is WANT.
As humans, we were programmed to experience a sensation when we’re out hunting for food or other necessities of life in order to survive (!). You’re in that mode pretty much all day and your heart is on high frequency to obtain just about everything you can get your hands on: sneakers, streetwear, coffee, stickers, bikes, socks. Oh and yes, hamburgers too. Please re-check number 3 for the shape you’re in.

9. It’s all for the Gram.
Want to check out how exciting life is? Check out normal people’s instagram accounts. They document things like traveling (no stores involved), people, family, dinner (self-cooked sometimes), dogs and smiles (no releases involved). You know the variables in your life? Different shoes from different angles. But you know what? There’s probably no money left for a vacation anyways because … see number 1.

Illustration: Josh Parkin

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